Changes

Throughout the years, I've seen a lot of couples broke up because one of them thought that they could change their partners into someone they wanted them to be but realising afterwards that it is impossible for them to change. "He/She promised me that he/she will change but he/she lied." They always say. I have one question. Did you change? If no, why would you expect people to change while you stayed the same?

As time goes by, I realise that the best relationships don't just happen. It takes two people who are willing to make efforts and sacrifices to change themselves into two pieces of a puzzle that are complementary to each other, like how an enzyme fits to its substrate by moulding itself so that they could fit perfectly and only then, BAM, chemistry takes place. No, you don't just sit there and wait for your other half to change just because he/she loves you. It should be a process where two of you grow up alongside of each other, knowing what each other wants, putting yourselves in each other's shoes and understanding what you want.

Even in fairytales, Cinderella has to learn how to be a princess and Prince Charming has to accept the different way of thinking of a commoner for them to live happily ever after. Changes you make in relationships is not always a bad thing. It can mean that you are mature enough to not get head over heels with the sparkles in the early stages which will fade away very soon and make rational decisions to make your relationship last forever. 

"You don't change the person you love, you change with them."

Second chances

Wow, it's been looong since I last blogged. I was going to talk about my Italy trip when I got back in April but I was caught up with some stuff. Well, the thing is 'he' came back for me again and I let him back into my life. I know it's dumb but I really can't help it. I really like him a lot. I know, I hate myself too. Urghhh!

The reason he wanted me back was because he 'all of a sudden' thought of all the things we had gone through and all the memories we've made and 'suddenly' thought that he still loves me. Not a very good reason but what to do. I was living through hell and he was sort of like my medicine. However, that doesn't mean that I trust him completely. Sometimes, I'll start thinking if he'll just 'suddenly' thought of the memories of him with someone else and leave me for her? Does he really like me or is this just some 'temporary' flashback? If there's another girl will he still choose me? If he could let me go so easily the last time, am I really so important to him like he said? I don't know. If I had the choice I wish I could get him out of my life but the fact that I still can't let him go after all the pain he put me through is really so frustrating.

By the way, I know it's normal for guys to change after they've got you but it's really so hard to accept the once 'I really love you so much and I want to spend all of my time with you' boy had changed into a 'I need more of my own space' guy. Now, I have to look into the mirror and convince myself that I don't have a boyfriend (although we're not official yet) to not anticipate anything from him. No expectations, no disappoinment. That's what I tell myself every day. Maybe I should really really try to pull myself out. This is not the kind of relationship I want and I know I can do very well just being single. Hopefully, just hopefully, I can stop liking him.

Anyhow, who knows what will happen. Till then.

xxx

"If I forgive you once, don't mess up twice."

Care Less Hurt Less

Sometimes I don't know why I still get affected when I hear people saying things about me. I've had enough shits in my life and I really don't need you to add in more dramas in my life, my friend. I really don't understand why people have so much to say about shits I do as if you know what I'm going through. Oh please! I'm not really having the time of my life too but at least I don't make conclusions that easily. But what the hell. People's just gonna say and you'd have to live with it. Only at these times you'll know who are true to you and will be by your side till the end. I'll always be grateful to those who support me in whatever I do. Even when they don't agree with me, they still wouldn't judge the decisions I make. I'm so touched when some of my friends keep warning me to not get hurt for the second time and one even said she'll learn taekwondo just in case she needs to kick asses. HAHAHA! Literally made my day! Anyways, that's all for now. Gotta get back to work and God bless my workload!

xxx

Those random feelings

Sometimes, I really feel like I don't have enough middle fingers to express how I feel. Ugh!

Only One - Jason Chen

Even though you've never loved me, you're the only one
Even though you've really hurt me, you're the only one
How could I ever get over a love I never knew
I guess I'm still just a fool, you're the only one, the only one

I don't know how you make me feel this way
Never knew my heart could feel such pain
Why won't you just give me a chance to show I love you
Every time we try to talk, you just walk out the door

But every time I try to let you go, my heart holds onto you
No matter what I say or what I do, I feel like such a fool
Even when you lie right to my face, I wish that they were all true
I guess you just really wanna leave, so I'll let you go

How can I get you out my head, you're the only one
You will always be my baby, you're the only one
Even though you've never loved me, you are still my queen
I'm just a fool who's in love, you're the only one, the only one

I haven't felt your touch in so long, and the image of your smile is long gone
Did all the memories that we had shared mean nothing to you?
You lead me on, you broke my heart
So why can't I get over you?

Oh every time I try to let you go, my heart holds onto you, my heart holds onto you
No matter what I say or what I do, I feel like such a fool
Even when you lie right to my face, I wish that they were all true
I guess you were never mine, so why do I care?

Even though you've never loved me, you're the only one
Even though you've really hurt me, you're the only one
How could I ever get over a love I never knew
I guess I'm still just a fool, you're the only one, the only one

How can I get you out my head, you're the only one
You will always be my baby, you're the only one
Even though you've never loved me, you are still my queen
I'm just a fool who's in love, you're the only one, the only one


"You're the only one."

Ugh!

Deep down, I hoped that maybe someday, just maybe, that he would love me back. When I found out that he never did at all, I could barely contain the resentment that starts to build up in me. I used to think that how could you possibly love someone too much but you made it possible. Now, how much love I had back then for you turned into a proportionate amount of hatred and anger. Even though my heart tells me that you shouldn't hate someone for not loving you back, but could you blame me for hating someone whom I never thought of having a chance with and suddenly made me fell for him so hard and made me believe in all the fairytale stories that he lied about. He had my trust, all of 'em but it seemed so easy for him to just turn around and leave as if all of these meant nothing at all. It felt like "Well now that I've got you, I had fun and AU REVOIR!" Fuck you dude. Seriously, FUCK YOU! I am so mad that because of you I questioned myself. I asked if I'm really not good enough and you made me feel like I'm not worth to be loved. The heck was I thinking. Now I'll only blame myself for wasting my time and giving you chances that you obviously don't deserve. I wish you good luck and watch your back.

"If karma doesn't hit you, I gladly will."

修炼爱情

憑什麼要失望 藏眼淚到心臟
往事不會說謊別跟它為難
我們兩人之間不需要這樣
我想

修煉愛情的心酸 學會放好以前的渴望
我們那些信仰 要忘記多難
遠距離的欣賞 近距離的迷惘
誰說太陽會找到月亮
別人有的愛 我們不可能模仿

修煉愛情的悲歡 我們這些努力不簡單
快樂煉成淚水 是一種勇敢
幾年前的幻想 幾年後的原諒
為一張臉去養一身傷
別講想念我 我會受不了這樣

記憶它真囂張 路燈把痛點亮
情人一起看過多少次月亮
他在天空看過多少次遺忘
多少心慌

修煉愛情的心酸 學會放好以前的渴望
我們那些信仰 要忘記多難
遠距離的欣賞 近距離的迷惘
誰說太陽會找到月亮
別人有的愛 我們不可能模仿

修煉愛情的悲歡 我們這些努力不簡單
快樂煉成淚水 是一種勇敢
幾年前的幻想 幾年後的原諒
為一張臉去養一身傷
別講想念我 我會受不了這樣

笑著說愛讓人瘋狂
哭著說愛讓人緊張
忘不了那個人就投降

修煉愛情的悲歡 我們這些努力不簡單
快樂煉成淚水 是一種勇敢
幾年前的幻想 幾年後的原諒
為一張臉去養一身傷
別講想念我 我會受不了這樣

幾年前的幻想 幾年後的原諒
為一張臉去養一身傷
別講想念我 我會受不了這樣

“You never really stop loving someone. You just learn to live without them."