Lost

I've been feeling really lost lately. Overwhelmed with mixed up feelings. Depressed, angry, surprised, excited, stressed and somehow I really don't know what to do to make myself feel better. It feels like there's something inside me that I can't get it away. Sometimes it makes me feel really hard to even breathe. I thought I would feel better if I could just cry everything out and have a really nice sleep after that then everything would be fine when I wake up. It always works, for me at least. But the problem is I ran out of tears. I think I've cried too much in the past and used up all the tears I have.

I don't even know how to describe how I feel. It's like I'm sad but I can understand his decision but I can't control myself to not be mad at him. I know it's wrong but I really feel like having a revenge on him but I know it's impossible coz he no longer cares or maybe he never did. I just want him to know the pain I'm going through but now that all he cares for is himself, there's nothing I can do to make him know. It's like hello?? I'm not blind nor illiterate. I can read you asshole. It would be really nice if you can be a wee bit more considerate on me.

However, it's true that a goodbye brings a hello. A quite cute guy talked to me and he's very sweet. He gives me surprises and always brightens up my day with the little things he does. But sometimes he can be a bit too mature for me? He doesn't realise the fact that I'm only 19 and I just wanna have some fun and do crazy things and play around. But oh no. "You shouldn't this. Why did you do that? I'm not happy." Oh okay. He's nice but I can't be myself around him. Yes he's romantic, supportive and stuff but I'm just not ready to be in a commitment. The worst part is I've only known him for a month and he's putting such pressure on me.

On top of all that, A-levels is killing me! I hope I'm gonna survive until this friday and I'll be on the plane flying back to Malaysia on the day after. Fingers crossed. I'm so gonna miss every single person I've met here and they will always be in my heart. I love them all! For my dearest friends in Tawau: Keep Calm. I'm coming home! Miss you guys so much and I'll be back to annoy you for three months! Be prepared!

Love everyone who made my life so Wonderful! Thank you for being in it!

"Life has many different chapters of us. One bad chapter doesn't mean it's the end of the book."