Second chances

Wow, it's been looong since I last blogged. I was going to talk about my Italy trip when I got back in April but I was caught up with some stuff. Well, the thing is 'he' came back for me again and I let him back into my life. I know it's dumb but I really can't help it. I really like him a lot. I know, I hate myself too. Urghhh!

The reason he wanted me back was because he 'all of a sudden' thought of all the things we had gone through and all the memories we've made and 'suddenly' thought that he still loves me. Not a very good reason but what to do. I was living through hell and he was sort of like my medicine. However, that doesn't mean that I trust him completely. Sometimes, I'll start thinking if he'll just 'suddenly' thought of the memories of him with someone else and leave me for her? Does he really like me or is this just some 'temporary' flashback? If there's another girl will he still choose me? If he could let me go so easily the last time, am I really so important to him like he said? I don't know. If I had the choice I wish I could get him out of my life but the fact that I still can't let him go after all the pain he put me through is really so frustrating.

By the way, I know it's normal for guys to change after they've got you but it's really so hard to accept the once 'I really love you so much and I want to spend all of my time with you' boy had changed into a 'I need more of my own space' guy. Now, I have to look into the mirror and convince myself that I don't have a boyfriend (although we're not official yet) to not anticipate anything from him. No expectations, no disappoinment. That's what I tell myself every day. Maybe I should really really try to pull myself out. This is not the kind of relationship I want and I know I can do very well just being single. Hopefully, just hopefully, I can stop liking him.

Anyhow, who knows what will happen. Till then.

xxx

"If I forgive you once, don't mess up twice."