The Voice

"Still love him do you?" There's always this voice coming out of no where in my heart asking me this question. "Do you love him?" One simple yes or no question that I'm not able to answer. Every day I live my life but every single night before I go to bed I can't remember anything I had done on that day. I can only say that I'm just living my life. The problem is I don't know what is in my life, or even worse, what is my life.

There are times when I feel like crying but then this voice came out again. "What do yo have to cry about? For the guy who never loved you? Or for being so pathetic to trust someone you knew right from the start that you shouldn't have did? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You deserve every thing you're feeling right now. You knew that he was too good to be true. You knew that he would break your heart. You knew it all but you chose to be blinded with what you wanted to believe. Blame no one." Then I'd end up laughing at myself. I did know, didn't I. Yet, I convinced myself that he had changed or maybe I felt like a dream come true to be the reason for his change. I thought my prayers were finally answered and I found a safe place to keep my heart. Maybe it was what I wanted to believe when I ignored the red alert that went off in my mind.

Now, I have to convince myself that I'm really happy to live my life on my own. No I don't need a guy to hold my hand and put it into his pocket just to keep me warm. No I don't need someone to put me into sleep at night and kiss me good night. No I don't need to wake up to a smiley face that greets me good morning. I love chilling by myself drinking my favourite Sangria and watching drama in my room. I'm enjoying my life with complete freedom. I'm so happy that I'm free from all the complicated relationship problems. That's what I say to myself every day. I love my life. I do.

There are also times when I put my hand on the left side of my chest. "You poor thing. How's the recovery going? I'm so sorry that I kept giving you to the wrong person even after I promised that I will take good care of you. Sorry that I left you broken. Sorry that I haven't found the medicine to fix you. Please just hold on for now and perhaps one day I'd find that right glue to put you back together. Hang in there."

"A broken heart is the price to pay."